The Kosher Computer
I don't know if you know this, but you can now purchase Kosher computers! They are made in Israel by a company called DELL-SHALOM. The price is so low, even with the shipping from Israel ! However, before you purchase a kosher computer of your own, you should know that there are some important
changes from the typical non-kosher computer you are used to, such as:
- The "Start" button has been replaced with a "Let's go! I'm not getting any younger!" button.
- You hear "Hava Nagila" during startup.
- The cursor moves from right to left.When Spell-checker finds an error it prompts, "Is this the best you can do?
- "When you look at erotic images, your computer says, "If your mother knew you did this, she would die."
- It comes with a "monitor cleaning solution" from Manischewitz that gets rid of all the "schmutz und drek."
- When running "Scan Disk" it prompts you with a "You want I should fix this?" message.
- After 20 minutes of no activity, your PC goes "Schloffen."
- The PC shuts down automatically at sundown on Friday evenings.
- It comes with two hard drives -- one for fleyshedik (business software) and one for milchedik (games).
- Instead of getting a "General Protection Fault" error, your PC now gets "Ferklempt."
- The multimedia player has been renamed to "Nu, so play my music already!"
- When your PC is working too hard, you occasionally hear a loud "Oy Gevalt!"
- Computer viruses can now be cured with matzo ball soup.
- When disconnecting external devices from the PC, you are instructed to "Remove the cable from the PC's tuchus."
- After your computer dies, you have to dispose of it within 24 hours.
- But best of all, if you have a kosher computer, you can't get SPAM.